Getting from Trial to Breakthrough
Two days after I posted the last blog, Existential Crises–Finding Your Why, I was still in the midst of the existential crisis.
“I read a great blog post that might help,” Stephen teased as I brooded over my discouragement. Cue eye roll. But later, when he wasn’t looking, I pulled up my post. I read through my list of whys. It did help. I suppose I should amend the How to Find Your Why list to include–Re-read your list of whys over and over and over, especially when you’re feeling discouraged. Why? Because it will help you push through and because, oftentimes, a breakthrough is right around the corner.
That very next week, just days after my lowest point of discouragement, I had a breakthrough. I swam farther and faster than I had ever swam before. Something clicked and I suddenly felt like I could swim forever. And–I didn’t hate it! I came home from my swim all bouncy and excited to report to my swimmer son and Stephen that I had improved my pace and I had swam the full Ironman distance without stopping!
“Who are you?” Stephen ribbed. “You sound like an actual swimmer.” I beamed, no eye roll or self doubt or existential crisis.
If you are going to do something hard, you are going to have ups and downs, moments of self-doubt and discouragement, times when you want to throw in the towel and give up. The “something hard” that prompted my existential crisis and subsequent breakthrough was training for an Ironman. But the very same ups and downs, moments of self-doubt and discouragement, times of wanting to throw in the towel and give up apply to everyday life, including:
Waking up
Getting out of bed
Grinding a job day in and day out
Parenting
Financial stressors
Health crises
Aging
Depression
Addiction
Relationships
Aging parents
Moving
Changing jobs
Setting a big goal
Oh and don’t forget stubbing your toe, getting rear ended, dropping your package of blueberries and having them scatter like marbles across the checkout line, discovering your toddler with scissors in one hand and a mess of hair in the other, being stuck in traffic, opening your utility bill to discover rates have unexpectedly doubled, getting a root canal, running late, walking in the door from a long day at work to, “Mom–the dog threw up on the stairs.” (Yes, these are all real life personal examples!)
And if you haven’t heard–the world is going to hell in a handbasket. It is easy to feel overwhelmed right now.
In the Existential Crises post, I made two graphs to illustrate what I thought the Ironman journey would be like versus how it ended up going. The “how it ended up going” graph had one last, unlabeled curveball. At the time, I thought, “I hope I’m not jinxing us. Hopefully there aren’t any more setbacks.” While we were on our last long training ride, our car window got smashed and my purse, along with about $700 worth of triathlon and running gear, was stolen. Sigh. I amended the graph.
To be clear, I am not opposed to listening to your intuition and occasionally changing course, taking a break, calling in sick, or even quitting if you know deep down that is the right thing to do. Stephen is really good at knowing when to encourage me to skip a workout or take it easy (because he can tell I am too sick or tired) and when to encourage me to push through. It is important to hone in on knowing when you need to let your body/mind/soul rest or change direction. But usually, carrying on, staying the course, keeping going when you want to quit, and pushing through the hard times is what leads to the breakthrough and gets you to your goals. Sometimes the days we feel the most discouraged end up being the best or most important days. I have often noticed this is the case with work and I had one such day this year.
I was tired. I didn’t want to be there and to make matters worse, I was assigned a student to shadow me for the day. I like teaching, but I just wasn’t in the mood. “Just get through the day,” I said to myself. “Just get through the day.” Because of having to orient the student and explain everything I was doing, I started my rounds late and was feeling rushed. Just get through the day, Melanie. Just get through the day.
Knock, knock– “Good morning,” I tried to sound chipper. “My name is Melanie. I’m going to be your nurse today. This is Chantel,” I motioned to the nursing student. “She is a student and will be with me today.” I launched into going through the motions.
Just get through the day, just get through the day.
“I’m going to check your blood pressure, ok? How are you feeling? Is your baby breastfeeding well?”
Yes, fine, it’s going alright. Her baby was tucked snugly into her arm, sleeping contentedly, but something seemed off. The baby’s color didn’t seem quite right. “Is it alright if I check your baby over?”
Looking back, it is as if all my nursing skills and years of experience were leading up to that moment.
I laid the baby in the crib, put my stethoscope to the baby’s heart, and heard a very loud heart murmur. “I’ll be right back,” I said to the parents, feeling my Spidey senses start to tingle. It isn’t uncommon for a newborn to have a heart murmur and oftentimes, it is benign and resolves on its own. But I retrieved a pulse oximeter to check the baby’s oxygen level, just to be safe.
Long story short, the baby’s oxygen level was low. I called the NICU and the doctor and events quickly escalated–an echocardiogram showed a life threatening heart defect. Before mid-day, the baby was intubated and life-flighted to the nearest children’s hospital for open heart surgery.
The nurse in charge of our unit later said, “Text your husband and tell him you saved a baby’s life today.”
I went into the bathroom and cried. What if I had let my discouragement dull my senses? What if I had let my bad attitude affect the quality of my work? What if I had missed hearing the murmur because I was running late and rushed my patient care? What if I had not come to work that day because I was dreading it so much?
Sometimes the biggest breakthroughs are coming just on the heels of the biggest existential crises or lowest moments of discouragement. Sometimes it is breaking through a block with swimming and sometimes it is saving someone’s life. You just never know what is waiting around the corner of frustration, overwhelm, or despair.
One year ago, in a moment of delusional excitement, I signed up for a race that I never would have dreamed I could complete. An Ironman race includes a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike, and a 26.2 mile run. As the graph shows, it was a roller coaster of highs and lows, ups and downs, breakthroughs and discouragement. There were many moments when I doubted myself and wanted to give up.
One week ago, I toed the starting line of Ironman Arizona. I was surrounded by athletes of all shapes, sizes, ages, levels of ability, and walks of life sporting every variety of wetsuit. From above, we probably looked like a frenzied herd of seals. The nervous energy was palpable. Despite Stephen’s assurance that we were ready, I was feeling major imposter syndrome. But I had paid the money and my kids were watching. When it was my turn to take to the water, I turned off the voices of doubt and jumped in.
Before the start of Ironman Arizona 2023
I could make another graph of ups and downs for the race. I got kicked in the face three times during the swim and the wind was gusting out of the south making the bike course feel uphill both ways. I dodged rolling water bottles, other cyclists, and a golf cart that pulled out right in front of me. I had worked hard to rehab my strained hamstring, but at mile 19.5 of the run, I knew I had to walk or risk injury.
Stephen’s race didn’t go as well as he had hoped. It was not his first Ironman and he had set a time goal (as opposed to my “I just want to finish” goal), but the conditions and his body didn’t live up to his expectations. His fuel bottle burst while he was running, coating his leg in sticky wetness. He had to visit the porta potty more than usual and perhaps he was already starting to get sick because two days after the race, he came down with a nasty cold.
But we both finished. Together. Our family was there, cheering and encouraging us to push through the pain. Finishing, hand in hand, was every bit as emotional, exhilarating, and exciting as you can imagine.
I made a copy of the graphs for you. Feel free to print and label them with your own journey (and DM it to me on Instagram!). Notice that, despite the ups and downs and unexpected curveballs, the trajectory is upward. Whether you are just getting through the monotony of life or you have set a big goal, if you are getting up and keeping going and fighting through discouragement, you are likely on an upward trajectory. Make that understanding the big picture of your life. Instead of getting mired down in the twists and turns, step back and see the ways those setbacks are making you stronger or leading to what may be one of the most significant breakthroughs of your life. That breakthrough might be just around the corner from a moment of incredible discouragement.
Just keep swimming, never give up, dream big, put one foot in front of the other, push through, keep going. You will be surprised at what you can do. And remember–Life is about second chances. Every day, every moment, every interaction, every breath is an opportunity to begin again.
What is your goal?
Print and fill in with your own journey…send me a pic on Instagram!
