If there is one thing the last several years have taught me, it’s that life is about second chances. Every day, every moment, every interaction, every breath is an opportunity to begin again.

Move

“What ya doing?” a text came in from Stephen. I was stretching and doing a little yoga on a pretty hilltop overlooking wine country. We hadn’t met yet. We were just a few days into sending texts back and forth through the Match app.

“Just finished a run.” I replied.

“You’re a runner?” Somehow I could hear the excitement in his texted reply.

“Well, I used to be. I just go a couple miles a few times a week now.”

I found out later that he then looked up all my races online, which included a few marathons, a bunch of half marathons, lots of other shorter races, and a few triathlons. But my last marathon was seven years in the past and I didn’t have any intention of revisiting those distances. I was happy with running a couple miles two or three times per week and doing a little yoga. I was retired from long distance running. End of story. I felt like my life was a marathon–working full-time, taking care of four kids, single mom-ing it. I didn’t have the energy to do much more than a little casual running. Besides, I had found a good rhythm with intuitive eating and I found that over-exercising tended to throw me out of balance.

Crossing a bridge on the Santa Ana Riverbed trail March 2023

Stephen had done an Ironman or three, setting a Guinness Book of World Records with his family for “most family members completing an Ironman together”. Once we were in full on relationship mode, saying things like, “next year…” and making long term plans, Stephen casually said, “When we do an Ironman.” I let it slide the first few times he said it. But after about the fourth or fifth time, I had to speak up.

“Just to be clear,” I stated firmly, “We are not doing an Ironman. You can do an Ironman and I will support and cheer you on. But I am NOT doing an Ironman.”

Stephen started Ironman-ing in his 30’s. His brother, sister, and father had trained for one and he went to watch in support. He was hooked. At the time, he was 260 lbs and had never seriously done any of the triathlon sports. In high school, he had been super fit and skilled at football, wrestling, and volleyball. He continued playing volleyball in college and started coaching. That eventually turned into more coaching, on both the college and high school levels. A football injury, achy knees, and trying to make ends meet as a teacher had been a recipe for weight gain that he has battled his whole adult life.

After a long ride and run

Lake Perris

March 2023

But something clicked that day at the Ironman race while he watched his family. Instead of signing up for a 5K and seeing how it went, he signed up for an Ironman. Not a sprint triathlon, not a half marathon. An Ironman. And he did it. Even crazier–he loved it.

He lost quite a bit of weight, but still identified with the Clydesdale athletes, self-deprecatingly wearing the label of “fat guy.” In fact, he found that it garnered way more support–people seeing the big guy slogging it out–than just any “normal” person got. “Good job, bud. You got this!” people would yell as he ran by, ignoring the five slender folks who were struggling alongside him.

It was a good fit for his personality, being the kind who tends to be all or nothing. “I get it. I used to be that way too,” I told him, thinking I could help him see the insanity of swimming 2.4 miles, cycling 112 miles, and then running a marathon. Nothing balanced about any of that. But he said he loved the challenge, the accomplishment, the camaraderie, the bragging rights. He even loved the suffering. He also loved everything about bikes–from riding and tinkering to reading and shopping for all the techy gadgets. He got to a place where Ironman was his lifestyle and he thought he would just keep going with it indefinitely.

But plans change.

When we met, Stephen was just starting to exercise consistently again after COVID, a broken collar bone from a crash on his bike, seeing one of his riding buddies get hit by a car and killed inches from where Stephen was riding, and a divorce. I was settled into a well oiled routine of working, parenting, and enjoying hard earned peace of mind in my own post divorce world.

One of our first dates was a two mile run under the silvery light of a full moon, coyotes howling in the trees.

Fast forward past meeting each other’s kids, engagement, wedding, blending our families, and lots of conversations about training, nutrition, eating, and living our best lives—we are finding that together we are stronger and more able to create positive momentum. We have our sights set on exploring our potential as individuals and as a couple.

You can read about how I went from “I am not doing an Ironman,” to completing the 2023 Ironman Arizona and generally making fitness part of our daily lives. We are blogging the journey—sharing frustrations and successes along the way. We are both already loving the improved level of fitness we have achieved. Stephen and I have bodies that like exercise. We just feel better—physically and mentally. I don’t think that endurance sports are for everyone! Some bodies are more suited to it than others. But I do think that exercise in some form is important for good health. We will explore these topics in blog posts to come!

This is our second chance and we are excited to share our experiences along the way with as much humor and relatability as possible. We are ordinary people striving to live extraordinary lives.

This is our journey.