Put Your Records On—Bad Day Survival Guide—6 Ways to Get to a Better Place

Recently, I was on an airplane and somewhere behind me there was an individual who, out of the blue, would holler—Ahhhhh! Every time he yelled—Ahhhhh, a calm voice next to him would say shhhh, it’s OK, and he would settle down for a bit. The rest of us stayed quiet, politely ignoring the outbursts. But the thought dawned on me, whilst being sandwiched smack dab in the middle of hundreds of (sneezing, sniffling, coughing) strangers, flying over the ocean, that it’s remarkable more of us don’t call out—Ahhhhh! If you think about it, it’s really quite insane that we all just sit there quietly while a faceless captain rockets us into the atmosphere. Let’s be honest, even the least claustrophobic amongst us are silently screaming inside—Ahhhhh! Perhaps, I thought to myself as I sat there being socially acceptable, that fellow is the only one among us brave enough to put voice to what we are all feeling. Ahhhhh!!!

You know I’m gonna make this a metaphor for life. 

Ninety percent of the time, I am strong. You know—that person who is steady, even keeled, reliable, “the glue” that is holding the ship together. And I’m not faking it. I mean, I am an Ironman (woman) after all! Most days, I am optimistic, energetic, on the go-go, able to keep things in perspective. Most days, I have faith in people and it’s easy for me to see the best in others. 

Ten percent of the time, I am melting down inside, silently (or not so silently if you are one of my support people) hollering—Ahhhhh! 

Cue existential crisis #6,364.

It started on that airplane. I was in the Back to Life, Back to Reality mindset on the way home from a vacation, gearing up for a twelve hour shift that was due to start nine hours after the airplane wheels hit the tarmac (Ahhhhh!). One hour into the six hour flight, my complimentary drink slid off the tray table and landed in my lap (Ahhhhh!). After I cleaned myself up as best I could, I got out my noise canceling headphones, only to find out they were dead (Ahhhhh!). 

It went from there–I got upset about something I saw on Instagram, which wasn’t even from one of my friends. Where are my friends, by the way? They are so lost in the social media algorithm advertisements that I can’t find them anymore, so instead of seeing my loved ones, I’m being bombarded by hypnotizing marketing schemes. Also, if you haven’t heard, the world is going to hell in a handbasket (whispers of war, all the angst of an election year ahead, inflation, bills, natural disasters, crimes against humanity). I was feeling defeated. I was worried about several of our children. I was ruminating on all the people who are constantly out to scam us, feeling like I don’t know who to trust. 

I call this spiraling. 

Whilst I was spiraling, I was still going through the motions of life–grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, working, taxiing children, all the while silently screaming—Ahhhhh! On the way home from dropping off my youngest at gymnastics, on the verge of a meltdown, the universe dropped a spiraling stop sign in my lap in the form of a song. Spotify started playing–Put Your Records On–and suddenly my spiraling paused.

Three little birds sat on my window,

And they told me I don’t need to worry.

“Ok,” I thought. “I’m listening.” My mind went quiet. 

Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong,

But it’s alright.

Yes, I believe that. Sometimes we all make mistakes. Sometimes bad things happen. And usually, it turns out alright. Even if it doesn’t, we figure out a way to carry on. 

Girl, put our records on

Tell me your favorite song

You go ahead, let your hair down

Sapphire and faded jeans

I hope you get your dreams

Just go ahead, let your hair down

You’re gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

It struck a chord and interrupted my negative loop, got me pointed in a different direction. I started the song over. 

Three little birds sat on my window

And they told me I don’t need to worry.

I’m not the type to “look for signs” or interpret everything that happens as good or bad luck. But once in a while something happens and you’re like, “was that really just a coincidence?” And whether or not it was a coincidence, I decided to let it help me, take it as a message from the universe. 

I talked to my people, let them know how I was feeling. My 23-year-old daughter said, “Mom, have you had your Chai tea yet today?” I hadn’t. “Go have your Chai tea,” she said. My 21-year-old son said, “Go lay down, mom. Watch some Netflix, relax.” Stephen and my 17-year-old let me vent and then gave me really good, long hugs. 

I drank my Chai tea. 

I watched a little This Is Us and found out that Randall and Beth stay together. Whew! The world is not unraveling entirely. 

Later, I I had a cathartic cry, melted into Stephen’s arms, and got to bed early. 

Just more than I could take

Pity for pity’s sake

Some nights kept me awake

I thought I was stronger

When you gonna realize

That you don’t even have to try any longer?

Do what you want to 

Girl, put your records on

Tell me your favorite song

You go ahead, let your hair down.

Spiraling Stop Signs

If you are human, you have probably experienced spiraling. It can start with something small (a spilled drink, the news, relationship tension, negative thoughts or worrying, hormones, sleep deprivation) or it can start with something big (loss of a job, end of a relationship, death of a loved one). It can start a thousand different ways. Once it starts, it seems to be easily perpetuated as the brain ruminates on a pessimistic loop, minimizing the positives and inflating the negatives, propelling you at lightspeed on a downward spiral. Life is a rollercoaster. Spiraling now and then is normal. The key is looking for stop signs that interrupt the negative loop, start you on an upward trajectory. Here are some ways you can set yourself up so that the spiraling stop signs are in place or easier to find when life hijacks your hope. 

1—Let It Out

When you are spiraling, it is all too easy to give in to it. If you give into it, you are not a failure. Giving into it temporarily can be healthy in order to let out some built up tension, as long as you don’t hurt yourself or anyone else, physically or emotionally. Here are some healthy ways to let off some steam—

  • Scream. Literally and loudly. Okay, maybe not on a crowded airplane or in a public place. But physically letting out a guttural holler can release physical and emotional tension. 

  • Cry. Hard. Sometimes allowing yourself to go there—really go there and ugly cry until there aren’t any tears left—can leave you feeling lighter. You can do this alone or with a loved one, in the bathtub or in bed. Just remember, you won’t feel lighter if you use it as an opportunity to lash out. Let your people know you are letting off some steam and you appreciate them holding the space for you. 

  • Journal. Oftentimes spiraling is like a tornado in our heads. Negative thoughts swirl around in the whirlwind of our minds like tumbleweeds, fences, the neighbor’s goat, and all the garbage our tornado swept across as it spiraled out of control across the landscape of our lives. It can all seem intangibly hard to pin down, raging out of control through our mental wilderness. If it spills over into our behavior, it can level and decimate our good habits, loving relationships, and higher intentions. Journaling can be a good way to put it all in perspective and halt the tornado. List all the things that are swirling around in your mind. Flesh them out. Let your pen be your voice. Journaling is more effective if you allow yourself to really let it all out. A journal won’t talk back to you or belittle or shame you. Just be sure to keep it somewhere safe and let the people in your life know that it is private. If you are in a relationship or space that does not allow for expressing yourself fully, tear up the pages afterwards. Sometimes just getting it out is enough. Or if you are in a safe space/relationship and it is easier to express yourself in writing, allow your loved one to read it so that they better understand what you are going through. Keeping a gratitude journal (listing five things everyday that you are grateful for) is also a great way to switch off the spiraling. 

  • Tune it all out. Though not good habits in excess, we would all be lying if we didn’t admit to finding ways to tune out our cares. If utilized and not abused, there are plunges into oblivion that can help us cope with our overwhelm. These include watching tv, reading, napping, sipping a chai tea on the porch. Meditation, if practiced regularly, is a healthy way to tune out the static and produce calmer brain waves. This calmer brain activity can carry over into our daily lives, helping us cope more effectively. Try not to use food, drugs, or alcohol to cope. This rarely equates to positive change. If you do, don’t beat yourself up. That will only make you spiral further. Take it as a learning experience—a lesson in “what not to do next time” and reach out for help if your behavior is self-harming.

2—Make a playlist

Music can be very healing. It can calm the weary heart, pump up your motivation to persevere through a tough time, bring on that cathartic cry that is simmering just below the surface. When I was going through the hardest years of my first marriage and subsequent divorce, I had a short but powerful playlist that I had on repeat in the car and while I was getting ready for work in the morning. The words, the beat, the sentiments were like a lifeline to my breaking heart. This is the power of music. They were about heartbreak, survival, stubborn persistence. They were part of the alchemy that healed my broken heart, helped me survive a difficult time in my life, gave me the strength to stubbornly persist in the pursuit of peace. When the dust of my divorce settled, I realized that I needed a new playlist that was light, playful, positive. Both playlists have their place and both serve as spiraling stop signs when I am in need. Here are some ideas for finding music that can help—

  • Listen to healing frequencies. Have you heard the saying “Good Vibes Only?” Everything, including the cells you are made of, vibrate at a certain frequency. Vibrations can be measured in hertz. Music creates vibrations that can be measured in hertz and some are more healing than others. Go to YouTube, Spotify, or whatever music platform you prefer and put “healing hertz music” into the search box. 432 hz and 528 hz are calming and regenerative. I find these are really good for playing in the car on the way home from a stressful day at work. These are my go-to vibes when I take baths. Hot bath + Epsom Salts + Lavendar essential oil + toxin free candles + relaxing music = a good recipe for unwinding a frazzled nervous system. 

  • Make a thoughtful playlist that suits your situation and resonates with your heart. If you are going through a tough time, look for songs that perfectly express your pain. Songwriting is usually a means of the artist expressing their own emotions. This is why we adore them. Though we don’t know them, their songs connect us to them in some intangible, cosmic way. We are not alone in our sufferings and heartaches. Sometimes that’s all we need to know. If you need to pump up your determination, find some beats that get your blood flowing. Healthy anger can be a great motivator, a call to action for your soul. 

  • Put it on repeat. Play those songs in the car, in the shower, on your walk. Play them over and over and over, sing along at the top of your lungs, cry your eyes out, let them be your Ahhhhh when you need to scream but the kids are in the car or you are in a public space. Let them serve as a salve for your suffering. Let them connect you to the web of humanity that is trying to send you a loving message—you are not alone. 

Bad Day Playlist

Blackbird by The Beetles

Landslide by The Dixie Chicks

Stronger by Kelly Clarkson

This is My Fight Song by Rachel Rodriquez

Home by Phillip Phillips

The Heart of Life by John Mayer

Love in the Dark by Adele

Keep Your Head Up by Andy Grammer

Unstoppable by Sia

Titanium by David Guetta and Sia

Dream Big by Ryan Shupe & The Rubberband

Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon & Garfunkle

Easy on Me by Adele

On Top of the World by Imagine Dragons

3—Talk to someone

Like journaling, talking to someone can help you put things in perspective, pin down vague thoughts, vent pent up pain, and get some loving affirmations or helpful encouragement. Suffering alone often hurts you and your loved ones. Here are some suggestions for finding someone helpful to talk to—

  • Find a therapist. Unlike friends or family, therapists are trained to help you develop better coping mechanisms. They are trained to listen, trained in how to best respond, trained in providing skills and mindset shifts that facilitate healthier thinking processes. Some are better at it than others, so if you see someone and your gut tells you they aren’t the right fit, move on. Find someone that has the right personality and skill set for you. A good therapist can help you heal, give you the courage and toolkit to make changes, and help you see situations with clearer perspective. 

  • Talk to a loved one. This could be a spouse, partner, sibling, parent, friend, adult child, co-worker. Check in with them before you emotionally vomit to make sure they are not simultaneously spiraling. If they are, take care not to overwhelm them and find someone better able to hold the space for you in that moment. Be sure it is someone you can trust and who has healthy coping mechanisms themselves. Opening up to a toxic person can exacerbate your spiraling or give them information to use against you. If that happens, take note and refrain from oversharing with them in the future. You will find your people and when you need them, they will carry you. When you are strong, be there for them. Cultivating symbiotic relationships and healthy social support networks are contributors to long, healthy lives. 

  • If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, call the suicide hotline at 988 or go to the nearest emergency department. It is their job to make sure you safely navigate life’s most unbearable moments. Admitting you need help is not weakness. Asking for help is courageous. And your story of survival might just be what inspires someone else down the road to stay their difficult course. Do not suffer silently. Reach out for help. 

4—Exercise

  • Getting physical activity is a fantastic way to burn off steam. It gives that negativity a physical outlet and triggers feel good endorphins to take their place. Some of my fastest paced runs have been fueled by anger as much as by glucose. 

  • Going for a walk or run outside connects you with nature and soothes your nerves better than binging on social media, television, or unhealthy foods that will only serve to press fast forward on your spiraling. 

  • Kill two birds with one stone by exercising with a friend. A walking or running buddy can be worth their weight in gold spent on therapy.

5—Mantras

Sometimes, you just have to talk yourself through some tough stuff. Sometimes there ain’t no one else around and you got to talk yourself off that cliff. Even if you don’t believe your mantras, say them. Even if you think it’s stupid, say them. Even if you look crazy because the person in the car to your left sees you talking to yourself, say them. Your brain is like the hardware of a computer. What you think and say to yourself is how you program the software. If your hardware has taken on some malware or been hijacked, utilize mantras and the methods in this post to clean it up and reprogram it. 

If you can’t think of your own mantras, here are some good ones to start with. “I want to feel good.” “Good things are happening for me.” “Everything is going to be okay.” “Things will get better.” “Life is good.” “I am loved.” Whether or not they are true for you in this moment, say them anyway. Feel like you’re lying to yourself? Nope. You are taking a stand, posting a stop spiraling sign, paving the way for a better trajectory. Make a list of mantras and put them on repeat. They are even more powerful if you can, in a private moment, say them out loud and allow yourself to feel the essence of what you are saying. Your brain’s hardware doesn’t know that your mantras may not reflect your current reality. But it will work to find a way to manifest your thoughts and words. If you aren’t programming your hardware with intention, you may default to sabotaging yourself with the spiraling. Mantras are not “toxic positivity”. It is about being intentional with your words and thoughts so that you can set yourself up for success.

6—Sleep it off

Physical exhaustion amplifies our negative thinking and diminishes our ability to utilize healthy coping mechanisms. It can cloud our thinking and make it hard for us to see the big picture. A good night’s sleep can provide a fresh perspective, infuse us with renewed energy to tackle problems. Dreaming helps our brains process trauma, shelve conundrums, make sense of what doesn’t make sense. 

  • If your spiraling is making it hard for you to get a good sleep, try taking a magnesium supplement before bed, sipping some caffeine free sleepy tea, taking a hot bath, meditating, journaling, or listening to healing hertz music.

  • Practice good sleep hygiene—dark, cool room; white noise; no screen time at least 90 minutes before bedtime, 

  • Go to bed early. Deep sleep is healing and circadian rhythms dictate that deep sleep usually occurs before midnight. If you are in a bad habit of staying up late, you are missing out on the deep, restorative sleep your body needs to heal. Tracking your sleep with your watch or a device like an Oura Ring can be a great way to see if you need to change some sleep habits. Just be careful not to expose yourself to unnecessary electronic interference by using airplane mode while you are sleeping.

Girl, put our records on

Tell me your favorite song

You go ahead, let your hair down

Sapphire and faded jeans

I hope you get your dreams

Just go ahead, let your hair down

You’re gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

For most of us mortals, it isn’t a matter of if we will ever spiral. It is a matter of when. Create a toolbelt, a skill set, an escape plan. Set yourself up for success. Post spiraling stop signs when you are in a good place so that they are there to stop your spiraling when you are in a not so good place. Comment below to tell us your best bad day tricks and your go to songs! And remember—If there is one thing the last several years have taught me, it’s that life is about second chances. Every day, every moment, every interaction, every breath is an opportunity to begin again.

~Melanie

Related Reading—

Rose, Brian. The Vibrational Frequencies of the Human Body. Research Gate. Sept 2021.

Smith, G.H. Healing with Frequencies—The New Frontier in Energy Medicine. The International Center for Nutritional Research. May 27, 2022.

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