Does my Baby have Colic? 12 Ways to Cope with a Fussy Baby

What is Colic?

The night is loneliest at 2am.

Whether you struggle with insomnia, your mind is racing with worry, you’re in the perimenopausal sleep funk (hello!), or you drank a cuppa before bed, it is never pleasant to be awake in the wee hours. But it is next level exasperating–I would even venture to say traumatic–when you are pacing the dark hallways of your house, night after long and lonely night, struggling futilely to calm a colicky infant.

**Colic**, *noun*
Also called in·fan·tile col·ic [in-fuhn-tahyl kol-ik], infant colic .Pathology. a common, temporary condition in which a baby who is otherwise healthy cries repeatedly, excessively, and inconsolably, without apparent cause. (Dictionary.com)

Before the birth of my fourth child, I had a secret, judgmental belief that colic was not a real thing. I had been a mother-baby-NICU nurse for many years and it was part of my job to educate new parents about colic, as part of the prevention of Shaken Baby Syndrome. At my first job, the pamphlet was titled “Purple Crying Baby Syndrome” and the cover had what I thought was an exaggerated illustration of a purple, crying cartoon baby being held by an exasperated, exhausted cartoon mother.

I had been blessed with three fairly easy babies of my own. I had cared for drug withdrawing newborns in the NICU. Between my own natural gifts, my experiences with my first three babies, and my professional training, I considered myself a baby whisperer. So when I taught parents, as I had been trained to do, about colic and the prevention of Shaken Baby Syndrome, in the back of my mind I was secretly thinking–parents of “colicky” babies just don’t know what they’re doing.

The Universe saw fit to humble me.

I find that the universe usually rewards judgmental beliefs with a life lesson that is meant to help you transform judgment into empathy. If you’re a parent, you know that this is one of the big takeaways of parenting. Be careful next time you judge that frantic parent of the screaming toddler in the grocery store. Karma is a…let’s just say Karma might come in the form of your next kid.

According to the Mayo Clinic, features of colic may include:
“Intense crying that may seem more like screaming or an expression of pain
Crying for no apparent reason, unlike crying to express hunger or the need for a diaper change
Extreme fussiness even after crying has diminished
Predictable timing, with episodes often occurring in the evening
Facial discoloring, such as skin flushing or blushing
Body tension, such as pulled up or stiffened legs, stiffened arms, clenched fists, arched back, or tense abdomen”

Diary of a Colicky Newborn

My fourth child, Ava, was born crying and basically didn’t stop for five and a half months.

In the hospital, I noticed she was more fussy than my other newborns had been. I thought to myself, well this is odd, but I’m sure it will be better when we get home. I asked to be discharged as soon as they would allow.

She cried all the way home in the car.

Ava was cute as a button with a mass of dark hair and cherub cheeks. I have been told, over and over since she was born (she is now 16) that she is a mini-me. I’ve even been teased that I cloned myself because we look so much alike. I’ll admit that I desperately wanted one more girl and it crossed my mind more than once, whilst surviving the first half year of her life, that I may have somehow made a deal with the devil to get my way.

I have found that when I meet another parent who has also had a colicky baby, we have an instant trauma bond. There is a haunting look in each other’s eyes, a mutual and deep sympathy–You understand. I have often said that I think there should be a support group organization for the parents of colicky newborns. You think I am being dramatic? I’m guessing you are judging me right now. I’m guessing you’re thinking–parents of “colicky” babies just don’t know what they’re doing. I’m guessing you haven’t had a colicky baby.

For the sake of those who haven’t had a colicky newborn (and to validate those who have) I am going to attempt to paint the picture.

They cry. They cry and they cry and they fuss and they cry. Then they cry some more. They cry in the day. They cry even more in the night. They cry so hard that they actually turn purple and red and you wonder if a baby can cry themselves to death. Their cry is like fingernails on a chalkboard, high pitched and very intense, made more nerve wracking because you haven’t slept for weeks and you feel like you are losing your last shred of sanity. Your eyes are blurry and your speech is slurred. And still, the baby is crying.

Here’s the thing. A crying newborn is distressing to any parent. Newborns cry to communicate their needs. For most babies, it is fairly straightforward. They cry for one of a short list of reasons–they are hungry, they need a diaper change, they need to be burped, they are tired or overstimulated, or they want to be cuddled. Once you satisfy the need, they are calm again. Simple.

Not so simple with a colicky baby. The cry of a colicky newborn is different. It is harsher and it is difficult, if not impossible, to soothe them. I tried everything. I tried the techniques I had learned at work to calm the withdrawal babies. I found a few things that helped a little, which I will list below, and in retrospect there are a few other things I wished I had tried, which I will also detail below. But mostly, I was in survival mode. I was more sleep deprived and emotionally exhausted than I had ever been in my life. I started forgetting names of people I had known for years. Getting by on 20 minute snippets of sleep, I could barely string together a coherent sentence. And it will forever pain me that I was more impatient with my other children.

Much to the grief of Ava’s siblings, she wouldn’t let anyone except me hold her. They were so excited to dote on and hold their new baby sister, but she would start wailing the minute I laid her in their little laps. I’ll never forget their crestfallen faces.

One time, I left her with my sister for 30 minutes while I ran to the store. When I got back, my sister said Ava had cried at the top of her lungs the whole time. My sister, who had been a nanny for many years, was on the verge of tears and had scratches on her arms where Ava had clawed at her. As soon as I walked in the door, she thrust my purple, crying baby towards me and exclaimed, “She’s like a wild animal!” She was two months old.

If I kept Ava strapped to my chest in the baby carrier, she would mostly sleep. I “wore” her for about 18 hours per day for those months. I wore her while I was cooking, while I was cleaning, while I was helping my other three kids with homework, and while I was leading a cub scout troop. If I had to take her out of the baby carrier to go somewhere in the car, she would start crying the minute I strapped her in the car seat and would scream at the top of her lungs until I got her out. Once, I took the cub scouts to the zoo and we got stuck in traffic on the way home. For over an hour, the cub scouts listened to her wail. When we finally got into the neighborhood, the first boy out of the car paused briefly before he shot out the door and said with exasperation, “Your baby’s cry is deafening!” I felt so validated I almost cried.

Then there were the nights. She wouldn’t let me sit. She didn’t like to be rocked. If I tried to sing to her, the decibels of her cry went through the roof. I would nurse her to sleep and pace around the house until she was in a deep sleep. But the minute I laid her in her crib, her eyes would pop open like a firecracker and she would start crying so hard that she would turn purple and start to choke. Full circle moment–I was the woman on the cover of the Purple Crying Baby Syndrome pamphlet.

In order to get a few minutes of sleep, I defied the advice I handed out to new parents at work about the crib being the safest place for a sleeping baby, and had her sleep with me. She would sleep fitfully, kicking and moving in her sleep. I would gently move her an arm’s length away, so that she couldn’t kick me in her sleep, but she was like a heat seeking missile. Within 20 minutes she would wiggle her way right up next to my body, squirming and fussing her way through the night.

One advantage was that she was my fourth baby, so I had perspective. I have met a few parents of colicky babies for whom it was their first child and the trauma is triple because they 100% blame themselves. I must not be good at this. I must not have what it takes to be a good parent. I must be doing something wrong. Whereas I was like–Girl, I am a baby whisperer. This is a you problem! I have often said, if she had been my first baby, she probably would have been the last. So, I extend great sympathy to those who have to start out their parenting journey with a colicky newborn. If that is you, please be gentle with yourself and those around you. It isn’t your fault. You are not being punished. And this too shall pass.

One of the thoughts that comforted me during that time was that I had a sense this little soul had a very strong will and an incredibly determined spirit. When I have said that to other parents whose kiddos were colicky babies, they tend to agree. I will tell you, now that she is 16, it has been confirmed to me over and over and over. She is the most sensitive, caring, strong willed, determined, beautiful soul of a human and she is on track to be a force of nature kind of woman. It all came full circle when she was in third grade and I went to parent/teacher conference. The teacher said to me– “School isn’t easy for Ava, but I am not worried about her at all. She works until she gets it done and she never gives up. Those qualities will get her way further in life than if school was easy for her.” I bawled my eyes out.

Also according to the Mayo Clinic, “possible contributing factors that have been explored include a digestive system that isn't fully developed; an imbalance of healthy bacteria in the digestive tract; food allergies or intolerances; overfeeding, underfeeding or infrequent burping; early form of childhood migraine; family stress or anxiety.”

Ava does suffer from occasional migraines. Also, I was fairly stressed towards the end of my pregnancy because they had detected on ultrasound that Ava’s cord only had two vessels (three is normal), which can result in cord failure towards the end of the pregnancy. I do believe that the fetus is able to sense stress, either through increased cortisol levels or simply an emotional connection with the mother.

I’ll never know for sure why Ava had colic, but I came out the other side of it a wiser, more humble mother and nurse. I also feel like it was a life experience that forced me to be really honest with myself about some things I had been ignoring. It taught me to trust my intuition more and it taught me that I had a well of strength and wisdom that was deeper than I realized.

Even the most easy going baby will have occasional mystifying moments of fussiness. Whether you think your newborn has colic or you just want to have a well stocked tool belt of ways to keep your newborn content, the following tips and tricks will likely come in handy.

Tips for Calming a Fussy Newborn

Rule out feeding issues. It is very difficult in the first few days of life to decide if an infant has colic or if they are trying to tell you they are hungry. We educate families on the wonderful benefits of breastfeeding and we do everything we can to set new parents up for successful breastfeeding if that is what they want to do. But—sometimes, for a variety of reasons and sometimes for reasons we never know, not every woman makes enough breastmilk for her newborn. In the first day or two at the hospital, the lactation specialists, nurses, and doctors are closely watching for signs that baby is getting enough to eat. Your pediatrician should continue to monitor these things in the first few weeks as well. These include:
-Counting wet diapers. If you are drinking, you are peeing and it should be the same for a baby. If baby is exclusively breastfeeding, they may only have one wet diaper in the first day. That is usually okay. But on they second day they should have at least two wet diapers and on the third day they should have at least three wet diapers. It goes on like this until day 5-6. By this time, mama’s breastmilk supply should be “in” enough that they baby is having 5-6 wet diapers or more in every 24 hour time period.
-Tracking baby’s weight. An infant that is exclusively breastfed will usually lose weight in the first few days of life. But after a few days, the hope is that their weight will stabilize and that by two weeks, they will be back to their birth weight. Your provider should be tracking this closely. You can always call and ask to come in for a quick weight check with the medical assistant or nurse if you are concerned that your baby isn’t getting enough from breastfeeding.
-Deciding if baby seems satisfied. Most newborns will breastfeed quite frequently in the first few days. They may want to feed every 1-2 hours. You can not overfeed a breastfeeding baby unless you have still been breastfeeding a sibling at home and your milk supply is fully “in” already when you give birth. Point is, even if your baby wants to breastfeed often, they should seem satisfied for a little while after breastfeeding. If they breastfeed and are still crying and seem frantic afterwards, that might be a sign that they are not getting enough from breastfeeding.
Please contact a lactation specialist or your pediatrician if you are worried about any of these important signs of adequate supply. The point in relation to a fussy baby is, sometimes it isn’t colic. Your baby might be trying to tell you they are hungry. If they are getting adequate intake from breastfeeding (they are having the appropriate wet diapers, their weight is within a normal range, and they seem satisfied after breastfeeding), you may be able to keep cluster feeding for the first day or two until your milk supply comes in fully and then baby will be more satisfied. However, do not ignore a frantic baby. Even more ominous than frantic is when baby is not getting anything from breastfeeding and, after a couple days of being fussy, becomes quieter and less fussy. They may be in a dangerous place with not getting enough nourishment.
While we work hard to promote successful breastfeeding, we are keenly aware that sometimes exclusive breastfeeding is not possible. We are also keenly aware that it is possible for a newborn to become dehydrated and malnourished to the point of it becoming a life threatening situation.

The point I am trying to drive home is, before you assume your infant has colic, make 100% sure they are getting enough to eat. Talk to a lactation specialist, see your pediatrician. Even if your baby is having adequate diapers and their weight loss is normal, but they are very fussy, try supplementing with formula. I know, I know. You are well-meaning, good parents who want the best for your baby and you may have tremendous guilt about not being able to exclusively breastfeed. At the end of the day, making sure baby is fed is what matters.

If your baby is very fussy even after breastfeeding for 15-30 minutes, try pumping. If you get very little or no colostrum or milk, feed your baby some formula. You can still work on increasing your milk supply, but in the meantime, keep baby healthy and happy by supplementing with formula. Your worries that baby has colic might be forgotten and you can move forward in your baby bliss, crisis averted.

2. Learn to swaddle. Most newborns feel safer when they are tightly swaddled. It feels like the womb and gives them boundaries in a world that went from quiet and closed in on all sides to wide open, loud, and obnoxious. Some newborns are more sensitive to all this than others. Swaddling can help protect their sensitive nervous systems and provide comfort amidst the chaos. You can use a blanket and the techniques shown in my swaddling video or buy a swaddler product that makes swaddling a no-brainer.

3. Learn the Ava Dance. The Ava Dance was born of necessity when I was trying everything to comfort my colicky kid. Since then, I have walked in on many a desperate couple in the hospital, looking panicked as their newborn wails like a European police siren. I check the baby’s diaper and change it if needed. I inquire about when the last feeding was and look for feeding cues (sucking, rooting, fussiness). If baby has been fed recently and there aren’t feeding cues, I swaddle them tightly and teach their parents the Ava Dance–place the infant cheek to cheek, supporting their head, and shush, shush, shush gently near their ear whilst you dance about the room or at least do a very exaggerated sway and bounce, sway and bounce. I get the same look of amazed relief from the parents every time, like I just cast a magic spell on their baby. Viola!

4. **Get a good baby carrier.** Gone are the days when it was believed that you can spoil a newborn by holding them too much. Now we know that holding and keeping them near another human is good for their development, teaching them that they are safe and can trust the world around them. If you think about it, it probably seems very unnatural to them to go from warm womb to cold crib. Again, some babies are more sensitive to these changes than others. Keeping a newborn in a baby carrier, near your beating heart and warm body, creates another womb-like experience that can provide them with comfort and safety. This can be especially crucial for a colicky baby.

If feeling stressed is one of the contributing factors to their fussiness, keeping them near you in a baby carrier can help reinforce that they are safe and all is well. Also, most newborns enjoy movement. That is what they were used to in the womb. Dad and other helpers–strap that baby on! This is a great way for you to help out. Taking care of a colicky infant requires some respite care for the main caregiver. Even a few minutes break from the crying can help the other parent regroup.

5. Try removing gassy foods from your diet. You can do an internet search of the most common culprits, but every baby is different so you just have to experiment. Try an elimination diet–remove all the most bothersome foods and then add them back in one at a time to see if you can isolate which ones seem to bother baby. There are mixed reviews on this topic and I didn’t ever find a definite connection with anything I ate and my baby’s colic. But it’s worth a try if your baby is fussy and gassy and seems uncomfortable with their digestion.

6. Try alternative therapies that are safe for babies. Visit the chiropractor, cranial sacral therapist, or kinesiologist/energy medicine specialist. Be sure to verify that the practitioner is trained specifically for newborns and that they have experience and a good reputation.

7. **Talk to your pediatrician to rule out health problems.** There are lots of other reasons an infant can become inconsolable and you want to make sure you eliminate those so that health conditions get identified ASAP. If fussiness comes on suddenly and you can’t find a solution, it can be an ear infection or something more serious like a twisted bowel. Look for other signs that something is wrong and always err on the side of caution. Newborns have immature immune systems, so when they get sick, they get very sick, very fast. Your pediatrician would rather you come in for a check up, even if it ends up that everything is normal. I have a saying–*My peace of mind is worth my pride and a $20 copay.*

8. Look for causes of discomfort. There can be a variety of reasons your baby is uncomfortable. They can’t tell you what is wrong with their words yet, so you have to learn to follow their cues and be a good detective. You may come to recognize the difference between cues that they are hungry (crying, rooting, sucking on anything that comes near their mouth) versus if they are just wanting to be held (crying, but calm when snuggled and not showing feeding cues). Other reasons a newborn might be uncomfortable include–

-They need a diaper change. This is always a good first place to start. Some babies are very sensitive to a wet diaper against their skin.

-They feel too hot or too cold. An infant that is overheated might have flushed skin and be breathing faster than normal. An infant that is cold might look mottled or blotchy. A good rule of thumb for a newborn is to apply one more layer of clothing than what you have on. That rule generally applies, unless you have to briefly be out in the extreme heat or cold, then use common sense and add or take away layers accordingly.

-They have a hair wrapped around a toe or finger. It’s worth getting in the habit of regularly scanning your newborn from head to toe for odd things that are amiss. It has happened that a hair from a caregiver or sibling gets wrapped around the newborn’s finger or toe and it can restrict circulation, causing pain. If left for too long, it can cause irreversible damage.

-They were injured during birth. Being born is not unlike being in a car crash. Usually it’s just a little fender bender and you walk away unscathed, but occasionally it can cause injury. Newborns can break their clavicle (causing irritability and reduced range of motion on the affected side), sustain a shoulder dystocia (causing bruising, irritability, and reduced range of motion on the affected side), have bruising to the head (causing irritability and swelling at the site), experience spinal misalignment (causing constipation, abdominal discomfort, and irritability). Again, always ask your pediatrician for an evaluation if you’re intuition is nudging you. Going to a chiropractor or cranial sacral therapist who is trained and experienced with newborns can help improve symptoms related to spinal misalignment.

9. **Let them cry for a minute.** I am not contradicting myself from earlier when I said that we no longer believe that you can spoil a child by holding them too much. That said, sometimes you have to place baby somewhere safe and walk away for the sake of your baby’s safety. To my knowledge, even purple crying babies don’t die from crying. Better to let them fuss for a bit while you go collect yourself than to accidentally harm your child out of frustration. Again, it is easy to be judgmental here. But you are not yourself when you are extremely sleep deprived. Recognize when you need to walk away and ask a helper to take a turn or place baby somewhere safe. Take some deep breaths. Call a friend. Get a hug. Eat some chocolate. Splash some cold water on your face. Grab a coffee or tea. If possible, pass the baton to another caregiver for a while. Teamwork makes the dream work.

10. Try ginger drops, gripe water, or probiotics. I have never heard anyone say that “gripe water” produced a miraculous effect on their colicky baby. But there are a bunch of products on the market now and you can usually find one or two of them at your local pharmacy or health food store. There are a few recipes online to make your own. I tried to find a recipe link for “ginger drops,” which a friend of mine used with her colicky infant with positive results. This recipe was the closest that I could find. She said it was a suggestion from a friend and that she simply simmered fresh ginger, let it cool, and then gave it to her infant with a dropper. Since publishing this article, I had a reader reach out and say that once they gave their colicky baby probiotics, the condition quickly cleared. Always check with your pediatrician before you use a product or any homemade remedy to make sure they approve and NEVER use honey in any recipe for a child under 12 months because it can cause botulism.

11. Find little things your baby likes. This will be a trial and error process. Some babies like swings, others prefer a vibrating bouncer. Try music like classical songs for baby brain development or healing hertz frequencies, white noise, a car ride, a walk around the block in the carrier or the stroller, swaddling, not swaddling. Every baby is different. What worked with your last baby might not work with this one. I tell new parents–your baby is like a puzzle. It’s not your job to change the picture. You’re just meant to help bring the pieces together as best you can.

Try the products you can afford and read all the articles you can find. There weren’t very many options when Ava was a baby. Now there are more products and articles about colic. Heck–colic makes for desperate times. Try them all if you can! If you can’t sit still long enough to research, give that assignment to a well-meaning mother-in-law or partner who is keen to help.

12. **This too shall pass.** Be gentle with yourself, your spouse, and your other children. Ask for help. Going through a crisis with your loved ones will either bring you closer together or tear you apart. Do your best to take each other’s irritability with a grain of salt. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. I can’t say that enough when it comes to a colicky baby. You just have to get through it one minute at a time and do your best not to take out your frustration and sleep deprivation on your loved ones. If your partner and other kids are feeling neglected, give them a squeeze and reassure them that they are important to you too. Remind them that the baby won’t be this needy forever, but for now you need everyone to get on board with helping you through this rough patch. THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

Reach Out For Support

It is important to be aware that having a colicky baby can put a huge strain on new parents. According to the Mayo Clinic, it puts the mother at a higher risk for postpartum depression and makes it more likely she will stop breastfeeding earlier. It creates complicated feelings of guilt, shame, and extreme exhaustion. It puts stress on your relationships, and creates confusing feelings of anger and grief at a time you were expecting to be all rainbows, unicorns, and perfect social media pics.

A fussy baby combined with a sleep deprived parent can put the infant at higher risk for Shaken Baby Syndrome. You should not think to yourself, “I would never do something like that”. You may think I am exaggerating, but you are not yourself when you’ve had that little sleep for that long and the baby is crying and crying and crying. According to the Harvard Division of Sleep Medicine, sleep deprivation can impair your judgment as much as drinking alcohol. Above all else, prioritize keeping baby safe and healthy and keeping yourself sane.

When I was going through it, I didn’t have time or energy to research causes and solutions for colic. To be honest, with a colicky newborn and three other small children, I was in survival mode. I didn’t even realize or label her as colicky until after the fact. I just kept thinking–Today I will figure this out! I cut out all the foods from my diet that supposedly make babies uncomfortable. I talked to my pediatrician. I invented the “Ava Dance.” In the end, she was happier once she could start controlling her body–roll over, scoot, grab things. Now she’s a gymnast. Maybe she just hated being stuck in a blob of flesh she couldn’t control. Who knows. Point is, for whatever reason, sometimes newborns are colicky. From my own experience and from talking to other parents, you usually don’t ever figure out why. Give yourself grace, allow yourself to grieve how different it was than what you had dreamed about, and look for all the other incredible qualities that little “bundle of joy” will bring to your life. They are there.

And remember—If there is one thing the last several years have taught me, it’s that life is about second chances. Every day, every moment, every interaction, every breath is an opportunity to begin again.

💕Melanie

References

Division of Sleep Medicine. “How Awake Are You?” Harvard Medical School. October 1, 2021.

Chiro For Moms. “Home Remedies for Colic/Fussiness in Babies.” Chrio For Moms. February 8, 2024.

Korioth, Trisha. “Remind families: honey can cause infant botulism.” American Academy of Pediatrics. November 19, 2018.

Mayo Clinic Staff. “Colic.” Mayo Clinic. April 5, 2022.